The Journey continues



11/12/19
Lord, today I am seeing how desperate I am for You. In this new transition from full-time employment, to no income at all, I am seeing my mindset continues to need to be shifted. R and I had the beginning of a clipped conversation that was full of fear. Words like “I am afraid”, “back pain”, and “how…” were the thoughts being swirled around. Then I said we needed to get our thoughts and feelings above the circumstances of no income. Going from fear of “what are we going to do?” to faith-filled thoughts and feelings like let’s do more positive things then we have before. In our past, we have yelled, gotten tense, and not talked to one another during times of stress and strain. These reactions have not benefitted us. Today, I asked R to go for a walk, jog. The cool breeze and chilly air were refreshing. His back felt tight, which happens when he feels the weight of the world on him. Over the years, when finances or other relationship strain is evident, R’s back goes out. He has been known to crawl on the ground but still manages to go to work, and do daily activities; despite the pain of spasms. He readily admits now that his seizing back is due to stress. This is the first time he has had his back go out, and we can talk about it easily and without any blame.
In our past, we have danced the wicked jig of blame when dealing with stressful circumstances. This time is different. We have been married 26 years, many of them repeating like Groundhog Day poor relating, yelling, demanding and justifying my reckless words that hurt like a dagger. This time, with this stress, we are mature enough in our daily relating that the wounds of the past do not belong in our life. We noticed a naked pattern of snipping at each other this weekend. This left a dry, stale taste in my mouth. As we talked about this wrong relating and behavior choices; we realized that even if we are in the fire, we don’t need to spew fire onto one another. Since a lovely friend shared with me that the way to diffuse prickly feelings is to become intimate with one another; after our 25-minute jog; we chose to partake in each other’s offerings.
Today, I woke up and laid in bed for another hour. At that time, I felt the Lord speak to me in His still small voice. He shared with me to go for a walk, jog with R. Then recommend to R to draw for 30 minutes or more to help him calm his brain down. Also, to listen to an awesome podcast. I recommended my favorites.  Getting out of our own brain, and listening to others, or to silence has helpful to me to differentiate from the minutia of my mental gymnastics. Mindset coaching which has helped me see:
Circumstance
Thought
Feeling
Action
Response

Has been so helpful for me to slow down my thinking, long enough to ask the question of whether I know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether my thought is true or not. I am learning to know what the Lord’s truth is more, and am grateful to lay down my negative thought palace; that doesn’t serve me or anyone else. Taking thoughts captive is the only way to continually be in the right relationship with the Lord, and with others. I love that my thoughts are different and more in line with what the Lord’s thoughts towards me are.
Ephesians 6:17-18 Embrace the power of salvation’s full deliverance, like a helmet to protect your thoughts from lies. And take the mighty razor-sharp Spirit-sword of the spoken Word of God. Pray passionately in the Spirit, as you constantly intercede with every form of prayer at all times. Pray the blessings of God upon all his believers.

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